As we enter a new year, I wonder what the position will look like in five years. Hmmmm, I wonder…wonder…wonder…
5:30 AM – Wake up and brush your teeth with a special toothpaste ordered to be used by our new alien overlords….totally kidding (I hope). Let’s start with your arrival to school.
7:30 AM – Arrive at your office and receive your daily flash briefing from your AI SIS (Artificial Intelligence Student Information System). “Good morning, Trevor. Today is January 7, 2024. Your applicants are down 12% from last year and down 8% compared to the last five years. It appears the lack of kindergarten applications are the biggest problem. Shall I schedule a meeting with the marketing department, adjust the digital marketing campaigns myself, or shall I call Truth Tree so we can use their awesome services?” (cheap plug)
8:00 AM – You facilitate and moderate a VR (virtual reality) admission event with prospective parents in China using your language-changing plugin. This particular event is to fill seats in your virtual 9th-grade class. (37% of your student body takes classes online only)
10:00 AM – You hop a self-driving Uber to pay a personal visit to your historical top feeder school as suggested by your AI SIS. The school in question has not produced the number of inquiries and applications it has in the past. You come armed with the breaking news that you just signed Gary Vaynerchuk to teach kindergarten influencer e-commerce twice a week – virtually, of course. You also make sure to remind them you are still the only school that has Neil deGrasse Tyson on virtual faculty for tenth-grade Intro to Astrophysics.
12:00 PM – You meet with members of the admission team for a working lunch, where you watch yesterday’s micro-drone footage of three prospective fourth-grade students. The footage is from their previous school day and serves as the formal observation step in the admission process. Of course, your AI SIS has scanned the footage and uploaded the essential highlights for you to watch. (This now takes the place of the student shadow day for some schools)
2024 Admission Steps
- Take an in-person or virtual tour
- Apply online or through voice-first device
- Submit DNA-aptitude analysis
- Provide micro-drone shadow release form (the day that the aspiring school will send a micro-drone to your child’s school to observe him/her in class)
- Submit record release for teacher recommendation(s) to be completed in the admission portal
- Schedule the AI chatbot parent interview
BTW – you no longer have to interview parents personally. Now your AI SIS conversational plugin does it for you, though it gets complaints because it’s still having a difficult time understanding how every student could be so advanced, according to the parents.
Oh, and you can program the AI SIS to take on one of twenty-five appearances and can do it in every currently spoken language.
12:30 PM – You have that uncomfortable conversation with your European recruitment attaché to inform him that the school is moving to a Quant Headhunter – a quantitative analyst who uses profoundly advanced statistical modeling to match students to your school.
1:00 PM – You meet with your Director of Consumer Engagement and Director of Social Media to decide how best to use the application APPLEYE, a new virtual reality networking platform where parents, students, recruiters, and school officials can meet for events such as ‘Lunch and Learn.’ The conversation turns contentious when you cannot decide whether $10,000 extra to have your booth at the front of the virtual conference is worth it.
2:00 PM – It’s your lucky day – twice a month you accompany the lower school classes to the air quality-safe outdoor play area. It’s a bus ride away at one of the more deep-pocketed private schools in the area. One of their big draws is a large, semi-domed play area that allows for the grandeur of outdoor recess without the harm of ultraviolet rays. It also pumps in purified air to neutralize the toxins that can be harmful to small children if exposed to them for long periods.
3:00 PM – It’s time for dismissal. You see off the two students who wanted to do their visitation day the old-fashioned way, in person. Then you head back to your office to finish your flash briefing for parent ambassadors and answer some text messages from prospectives before you head home.
What do you think? Will any of the above come to fruition in five years? Message me on LinkedIn and let me know.
